FBI Puck Vs Thief Kurt
by InTheClosetFangirls
Summary: This Is My 1st Fic. Be Nice. FBI Puck Vs Thief Kurt. Kinda Says It All. I Hope Its Good. Enjoy


FBI Agent Noah Puckerman paced his office. The biggest case of his career was currently underway. A case if solved would make history. Also give him a much deserved - if he says so himself - promotion. For the last 5 years, the richest and wealthiest of New York, have been targeted by what Noah can only describe as an awesome thief. The self named Diamond Kitty. At just 26 Noah - or Puck as his colleagues call him - is on of the youngest agents, but the biggest up in comer of them all, senior staff sing his praises and always tell him he's in for something special in the way of job prospects. If he can pull in this one case.

One case its easy find out who's breaking into the rich peoples houses can't be too hard. He wonders why no one has ever cracked it before. Its been 5 years surely whoever's doing it has left some sort of clue, it's Puck's first day on the job and already he's had an idea.

Diamond Kitty

Diamond Kitty

Sounds like a porn star. Or some prostitute or something but defiantly female. I mean what self respecting man would call himself Kitty ? Cat sure but Kitty and a Diamond one at that. The thief must be a woman. Damn I'm good Puck thought to himself. Beckoning his junior partner the loveable but slightly dim Finn Hudson over Puck set to work.

"Dude, I need you to bring up files of every woman we've ever come across that's ever stolen anything. From robbing banks to nicking their Grandmothers purse I want them all." Puck demanded he was on a mission Puck on a mission couldn't be stopped.

"What even the dead ones?" Finn inquired, Puck couldn't be stopped but he sure could be slowed down, mainly by his dim witted best friend of a partner. He loved the guy honestly (not like that sure Puck liked dudes but he also didn't like clumsy giants) but he was sure he only passed the academy because the examiners knew he'd be easy for traumatised victims to talk to and open up too.

"No not the dead ones because if they're dead, how exactly can they be robbing rich people?" Puck asked slowly but trying not to sound patronizing, it didn't really work but Finn never picked up on it, God bless that kid (so he's only 2 months younger big deal, he's still younger.) he doesn't have to suffer cause Puck's feeling stressed.

"Yeah sure I'll get Matt and Mike on to it, but what makes you so sure it's a woman?" Finn was questioning him. HIM Noah 'Puck' Puckerman badass of all badasses. Really ?

"Dude come on Its me I'm awesome, I just know, OK, thanks dude tell the guys thanks too." There reputation evened out, a lead on Diamond Kitty. Dare he say it Noah Puckerman was feeling smug.

"Just you wait you prissy thieving bitch, your about to be Puckzillaed!" He all but swaggered back into his office (who am I kidding he swaggered the hell back into his office)

Unbeknown to the 'Puckzilla'. Diamond Kitty was out working tonight. Not that far from FBI Headquarters. Hell if your gonna live dangerously may as well live _dangerously_. Damn this was fun. As they climbed across the glass roof of a pool house that cost more than a small town. Also unbeknown to Noah Puckerman this 'porn star' as it was so elegantly put. Is not actually a woman. In fact this prostitutey named porn star was, the super stylish sexy and filthy rich Kurt Hummel. He however was right about one thing Kurt is a 'prissy thieving bitch' . but hey he's hot young and single. So who could blame him?

This house he was currently scaling belonged to some rich old hag with a string of dead husbands who all 'accidentally' had heart attacks before their 40's. All 7 of them. Yes 7 her first husband died back in the 50's when she was only 16. They'd been married 4 weeks and he had left her a nice big set up house and loads of cash. You see research is everything. Kurt knows this. Its not good enough to just research the layout of the house and what security measures there is, but to research the people in them, if this woman turned out to be a harmless old lady who lost her husband due to a tragic untimely death. Then Kurt would have probably stayed away, I mean he has a heart too. He can live without that stunning Marc Jacobs sweater for another month (even though that thought breaks said heart) but this money grabbing black widow who was more botox than woman now had managed to survive the death of 7 husbands due to heart problems (hey, maybe she cooked to much fat with her bacon, who was he to judge all he knew was. She was rich. She didn't deserve to be. He was rich but he worked for it. He wanted her money (and jewellery ) he'd work for it. He'd

get it. Simple.

Now action time. Slipping through the tiny window on the roof where he removed the glass pane he shimmed down until he w as dangling above a plush sofa. Where he proceeded to plop onto. Mentally thanking everyone who's anyone that he was still skinny enough to do that. Sun room was this house's weakest spot for others it was the basement or attic some it was even the kitchen (apparently food was not important to these people). Reciting the CCTV layout of this house in his head Kurt knew where to go and when to stick to the shadows so he doesn't get caught. His outfit (Every occasion is a chance for fashion - even a robbery) was the finest. Sexy skinny jeans that hugged all the right places (and looked practically painted on), a black and white striped shirt that was loose and off the shoulders, black leather gloves, topped off with a black Ralph Lauren scarf. (he likes scarf's ok also that scarf and him have had some good times). He doesn't cover his face why bother he's gorgeous and its not like he's ever been caught even if they do see him no one knows who he is or that he's even in this city (with the exception of his father and closest friends Tina, Artie, Quinn, Santana and Brittney - who also know what he does for a living, true friends never judge)

Half way through his 'collection for the poor' , what he loves Robin Hood that foxes voice …. Yes that's right Kurt day/Nightdream about…oh never mind hurry up before the old bat wakes up…..shit to late.

"Who the hell are you?" screeched Mrs Black Widow "And what are you doing in my house?" whoa this old bat was crabby and clearly needed her beauty sleep. She was coming toward Kurt in her pink dressing own with fluffy edges and matching hot pink slippers. In her hand was something that look suspiciously like maize, not that he was sticking around to find out.

"Well dear I would say, I love your house but that's simply not true you see this décor honestly it makes me want to spray myself with that maize, that and the fact this house actually belongs to your late husband. Husband number what was it yes 5 a Mr Bryan Tristan. My Personal favourite if you don't mind me saying. Anyhow I have to run now bbyyyee." As Kurt ended he quickly escaped up the same way he got in this time jumping and pulling himself up. Which was made harder by the Louis Vitton bag of money jewellery and things that we're genially just shiny and expensive.

He's been caught. That's never happened before. Well once by a Chuck Bass but he managed to …. Negotiate his way out of that one so to speak. But she's seen his face. His outfit. Heard his voice.

Shit

Seriously shit

Oh Fuck.

Reading over all previous files on all the houses that have been targeted Noah was getting no where. Throwing down the last file on his desk sighing, he rubbed his eyes with his hands. _This is no good _he thought _its late I'm tired ….and my coffees gone cold, just brilliant first day on the job and this little fucker is already pissing me off to no end, I now know why the guy doing this before me left for bomb defusel , its safer on your sanity. _

Just at that moment he heard heels clicking on the corridor outside. Followed by a knock on his office door.

"Yeah what is it?" not in the mood for niceties, Noah asked roughly.

"Charming" a female voice replied, quickly scanning his internal database to remember who this was, (hey he hasn't been here long , his co-workers names still seem blurry) he managed a quick glance up to see if that would help. It did. Stood before him was Santana Lopez (he hoped) from what he remembered of his introducing of the team on the first day. He remembered her as she was, well lets not hold back she was fit. Latina, with a stern look, terrifying people backed away in fear from her especially when she was pissed, and by looking at her razor sharp claws she calls nails. Noah could see why.

"Can I help you" he's trying to be polite, because she's a co-worker and ally not because he's terrified of her. Really.

"Yeah, I was told to give you this" drawled on sounding really bored (which really wasn't fair seeing how she was in front of The Noah Puckerman, she shouldn't be bored, Puck decided) and waving a file consisting - of what Noah presumed - was the woman thieves he'd asked for.

"Yes, thanks…thank you err I'll just take those from you" Ok so she terrified him a little is gonna admit that. Santana gave him a lazy smirk and sized him up with her eyes, eyeing all of him she smiled a flirty smile and sauntered over to him (the best a girl can in a super tight pencil skirt and black heels so high it should be illegal)

"No problem, sweetie any time, so you're the new boy on the DK Case huh?" Seeing Noah nod in response she continued. "Well just give me a call if you ever need help with….anything" she whispered whilst stroking his tie "I'm down the corridor if you _need_ me" with a wink she flounced off.

That's it ladies and gentlemen. Noah Puckerman still has it.

Kurt was back in his house, one of his many houses, which was crazily expensive and his friends Quinn lived in it. Rent free (he's an awesome friend) although she still manages to try and pay him rent, if not rent clothes, shopping, coffees whatever (because she's an awesome friend too). He got changed out of his 'work clothes' and into something more ….comfortable, well as comfortable as skinny jeans are.

"Hey, how'd it go what'd you get?….no wait I don't wanna know I'll be implicated or something…a never mind tell us" Artie was over visiting he was rolling towards Kurt with a huge smile of his face as Kurt entered the lounge . Noticing all his friends where there, they usually are after he had a job. To make sure he was ok. Kurt smiled at his friends but it was obvious his heart wasn't in it.

"Baby what's wrong?" Quinn asked, getting off the sofa and walking towards him and evolving him in a hug. His friends faces all looked worried and slightly scared. Kurt was never not happy after a job. Something was wrong.

"Nothing, its just " sighing Kurt continued "the woman whose house I was working came down stairs, she saw me, she heard my voice, that's never happened before. She's going to alert the authorities and they'll have more of a clue who to look out for….urgh this is such a mess." he rested his head upon Quinn's shoulder as she rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"It'll be ok this is New York, there must be about a 1000 effeminate gay guys in this town. They probably wont find you anyway. Probably. " Brittney's attempt at making him feel better, didn't quite go to plan, but Kurt appreciated the thought.

"So you probably don't want to hear this but… there's a new agent working your case, a Noah Puckerman, he started today" Of course Santana had to drop the bombshell. He was grateful for her, and her info on the inside of the FBI Headquarters was always helpful, but right now Kurt didn't want info he wanted chocolate ice cream and his RENT DVD. As Kurt groaned Santana continued.

"Don't worry the man seems to be a bit of a moron, he's also convinced you're a woman he has everyone searching for a girl, which will probably change when he hears about the latest robbery. But I'll help you know I will, this Puck as he gets called can be distracted easily he seems to be the type of guy who thinks with his dick" Santana concluded

"Santana, all men think with their dicks, but thank you that means a lot" Kurt smiled at her which she returned, "what's that?" he asked gesturing to her hand which contained a file.

"It's Puck's file I thought you might want it, you know so you can see who your up against." she handed it over, as Tina decided to switch on some music. Lady Gaga blasted through the house. He looked down at the file in his hand, opened it to reveal a picture of Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, _Wow he was hot _Kurt thought to himself _and vaguely familiar_.

"Come on, lets forget about work and just party, yeah?" Tina was awesome.

All his friends we're awesome

He was so lucky.

"Sir, sir" Shouting and knocking on his office door woke Noah up from a nice little day dream he was having. "Sir the Diamond Kitty, they've robbed someone else, a house not far from here belonging to a widow a Mrs Hutch," Agent Mike Chang quickly explained, ushering a quite frankly pissed off Noah out of his office. "But the thing is the victim, she caught him in the act and got a look at him"

"Him?" Noah asked, please don't tell me today's searching out woman was for nothing he really thought he was on to something. "That's great did she give a description, get a good look at him?" they were rushing down the corridor to where Mrs Hutch was waiting in a victims room with a cup off earl gray slightly shaking.

"Mrs Hutch, how nice to meet you, I'm very sorry about what happened, to you I need you to answer come questions please, get yourself comfortable, my name is Agent Puckerman and this is my partner Agent Chang, ma'am I need to know exactly what happened."

"I heard movement downstairs I was in bed you see but I woke up due to a migraine, I heard something downstairs I thought it was my dog at first, my sweet little baby, so I went downstairs and there he was. Going through my things. Bold as brass." she looked outraged, and was very pale she started murmuring something neither men could catch, they heard bits like "I worked for that" and the "audacity of him" . Noah still wasn't convinced.

"Mrs Hutch are you sure it was a man?" he inquired only to be shot a weird look of Mike and a look of absolute disgust off Mrs Hutch. _I take it, it was a man then, damn so close_ he thought to himself.

"Of course I'm sure, I know the difference between a man and a woman, he was a man one of these you know.. Gays but definitely a man, but he had a girly voice real high, sort of musical. …." She trailed off and took another sip of her tea. "This is disgusting, would it kill you to use expensive tea instead of cheap crap you give everyone else?" God this woman was a bitch, that's the one thing he could never understand all DK victims were either bitches or bastards. All of them had a run in with the law about something, so apparently DK did have a conscience after all. Just not a very big one.

After Mrs Hutch was seeing too and left. The forensic guys came up. They had found no DNA traces or any with that could be considered helpful. _Of course they hadn't this guy is a pro, a complete genius if being a thief was something to be proud of still he hated to admit it but Puck was impressed. _Apart from the usual, a diamond shaped card with a black cat on it and the initials DK his calling card, yet Noah couldn't help but respect the guy and his work, and It is definitely a guy as he found out tonight. After 5 years of nothing, not a clue whether they were male or female. On the first day of the job Noah found out he was a effeminate gay guy. (Ok so he didn't do anything but it still doesn't change anything.) so it was time for home Noah decided. Or possibly a bar depending on how tired he was when he got home.

The next day, Kurt was feeling a down site better, after a whole night of convincing, 2 tubs of Ben and Jerry's, RENT, Mamma Mia! And Chicago, a series of Satan's Whiskers Cocktail (made with gin, dry vermouth, sweet vermouth, orange juice, Grand Marnier and orange bitters) and all his friends together (including poor Artie who had to sit through 3 musicals. He finally accepted that this wasn't the end, sure he's have to be a hell of a lot more careful, but he was before this Mrs Hutch thing was a freak accident a fluke. Nothing to worry about.

So heading off to his local coffee shop, for his usual pick me up coffee the Café mélange (black coffee mixed with whipped cream). He was feeling good. He looked good too, after a job Kurt would always feel extra confident, and flirty so clad in the best and rather sexiest clothes he owned - the worlds tightest pair of white skinny jeans, a silky top that has an attached 'vest' which really was a lacy corset. He looked awesome in it, if he says so himself. Walking over to the counter where the barista, Dave Karofsky, was waiting for his order.

"Umm the usual please I'll be sitting over there can your bring it over thanks" Without waiting for his reply Kurt bounced off and sat in his usual spot, at the wall where he could see the whole shop.

There was only a few other customers, a young college couple talking in a secluded area. Someone on a laptop and an extremely attractive man with tanned skin and muscular arms and a Mohawk - like those where still fashionable - Kurt had seen him every morning he came here, cause frankly he's hard to miss, him being all super gorgeous and all, then something clicked in Kurt's brain. His photograph flashed before his eyes. That was Noah Puckerman. The FBI Agent committed to catching him, panicking Kurt looked around for all possible escape routes to the coffee shop, he's gonna know its me I know it he's gonna look at me and figure it out oh sweet Versace I'm done for. CALM DOWN MAN his reasonable part of his brain screamed at him, there is no way he's possibly gonna know its you, so calm down and stop acting suspiciously. Just then Karofsky came over with his coffee, regaining some of his dignity after his little freak out, he smiled and thanked Karofsky.

Not taking his eyes off Noah, Kurt drank his coffee, he watched as Noah drunk his espresso whilst reading some newspaper. It wasn't until Noah looked up and saw Kurt staring did he look away. A blush crept up his features embarrassed at being caught, cause lets face it Noah was extremely hot. That picture was nothing compared to the real thing but it was still helpful especially when he went to bed…..anyway. Where was he oh yeah Noah had caught him staring, damnit and had the cheek to have an amused smile on his face. Cocky bastard.

Noah loved this coffee house. It was peaceful and quiet, relatively cheap and the coffee was fantastic, it also had the added bonus of a super sexy and stylish guy that always say in the corner near the wall. Noah had seen him here everyday and enjoyed the view, one day he'll go over and talk to him, but usually he was to scared he's seen sexy stylish guy reduce grown men to tears before with his sharp tongue, - someone had been hitting on him, whilst he was trying to order - and Puck's ego just couldn't take a beaten. It wasn't until Super Sexy Stylish Guy was caught looking at him. Yes Puckzillas still got it , he thought to himself amused. Grinning to himself. _its now or never _he thought as he made his way over to him and sat at his table uninvited.

"Hey I'm Noah but you can call me Puck" he said in his sexiest voice.

"Did I say you could sit there?" Damn SSSG was feisty, and he was giving Puck an ice cold glare that actually felt cold.

"Well I used my initiative, I'm smart like that" Puck was pouring on the charm

"Well lets see if your smart enough to leave to huh?" Ok so SSSG Was extremely hard to crack, but Puck never said no to a challenge.

"Come on indulge me, what's your name gorgeous ?" Puck pulled out on of his secret weapons, no not his self named 'Guns' but his fully fledged puppy dog look.

"Kurt Hummel, but you can call me goodbye" Kurt smirked

"Goodbye?"

"Finally I thought you'd never leave" _Ouch ok so his ego is now in shatters on the floor, what else do I have to lose? _so he went for it. Flexing his arms - the big guns are out (no pun intended)

"So how about I buy you a drink?…and before you say I have one or no that really wasn't a question, something alcoholic, tonight? Say 8 outside here" taking control people loved it when he did that, not giving them time to argue whilst still being charming, no one could resist.

"No" _Thought so I mean no one…wait what ? No, No that's it not expiation just a No, Well hello Mr No One Who Can Resist My Charms. _Noah's mouth was agape was looking at Kurt with disbelief, which made Kurt chuckle "Your not used to being told no are you ?" Kurt was far to amused for his liking.

"Well no I'm not, I mean have you seen my arms ? Also why not, you just a really girly straight or something?" His ego was wounded, when that happens he's not very nice, which wont help matters here.

"What makes you think I'm single? And if I am what makes you think I go for arrogant, buffed up posers ? " Kurt snapped. Hear that crunching sound? that's the fragments of his ego being stomped on by Kurt's ridiculously priced designer loafers.

"Sorry …I just assumed, well not that you weren't single my first thought was that your with someone I mean your like super sexy, but all those times I've never seen you with anyone so I just assumed. I didn't mean to offend" Noah sounded defeated, and a quite sad, like a puppy who had its favourite red ball stolen.

"Make it 7:30 I'll be there" It was all Kurt said before he downed the rest of his coffee and threw money at the barista, motioning him to keep the change.

He has a date with Super Sexy Stylish Guy

Who's named Kurt, remember to call him that.

Now he has to go to work and try to find a criminal.

'He's going on a date with Noah Puckerman, He's going on a date with Noah Puckerman' Kurt was singing this as he danced around his house extremely excited. He knew he'd say yes from the moment Noah opened his mouth, the important thing was Noah didn't. So he pretended he wasn't interested. That's the moment when Kurt realised how good an actor he was. He rocked.

"What am I going to wear? Oh My Gucci, what am I going to wear" he turned frantically to Tina who was standing with Brittney, Quinn and Santana, Artie was in he corner looking terrified as his friends waded through a mountain of clothes.

"Kurt, honey relax it'll be fine, there's no need to worry" Tina said calmingly.

"Yeah I know I'm just really nervous." Kurt assured her

"Yeah, I'd be nervous too if the guy who was committing his life to putting me in jail, took me to dinner" Brittney offered

Oh Fuck he'd forgot that.

This isn't a normal date, he has to be careful, we wouldn't have agreed to go if he remembered that in the coffee shop, one slip up and he'd be caught. A fresh new wave of panic flood over him.

"Breathe Kurt breathe" Santana instructed, "its ok, relax you wont slip up" he wasn't aware he said any of that out loud. "You know why you wont slip up ? Huh? 'Cause your Kurt Hummel!, now go get your self fabulous" she said with a wink as she pushed him into his bedroom. Pulling together and outfit that was sure to make Noah just melt. Red skinny jeans, black Gucci loafers, and a over the shoulder cardigan. That was black. Walking back out after fixing his hair for the thousandth time. He heard a course of wolf whistles from his friends.

"Ready or not Noah here I come"

Today had went well Noah thought, first he found and uneaten candy in his car, then he asked out Super Sexy Stylish Guy Kurt Hummel - and he said yes of course- and then he made a break through with his case. He was starting to see a pattern with the victims, this of course lead him to jump to other people who fit this pattern. Future victims. Two of the houses had unauthorised CCTV outside watching them, this must be how DK knew so much about his victims, enough to break in the house through the weakest spot, when the owners wouldn't be there to stop them. The camera's them selves held no clue, no fingerprints or DNA no record of ever being bought, that's a bit of a bummer. Yet what this did do, was it prevented two houses that were gonna be targeted from being robbed. These owners have been informed and their security maximised. So taking an early day, Noah went home to prep himself for his hot date.

Standing outside of the coffee shop Noah waited for his date nervously. And Noah never gets nervous. At 7:30 exactly he looked around not seeing anyone in sight. He sighed, he's never been stood up in his life, sure he's stood a few people up but its never happened to him. _There's a first time for everything _the unhelpful part of his brain suggested. He was so deep in thought, he didn't see the approach of Kurt.

"Looking for an escape route?" Kurt asked in a sickenly sweet voice, whilst batting his long (for a dude) eyelashes.

"No Babe I was just working out the best way to dazzle you" Noah's confidence is back and smirk is in place _of course he wasn't' stood up, he's Noah Puckerman bitch. _

Kurt absolutely didn't melt right there at that smirk. If he did he made sure it was unnoticeable by Noah.

"Where do you think your from a Twilight FanFiction ? Just so you know I hate Twilight vampires don't sparkle!" Kurt said cockily in order to cover up his slight slip in his emotions.

"What the hell's Twilight? and why you babbling on about Vampires for?" Puck was beyond confused, that was one of his best lines. He thought it up this morning after meeting Kurt.

"So, what have you planned for tonight, Darling?" He was acting like he never heard him. Kurt's cocky yet bored sounding drawl made him a little nervous, just a little it also made him shiver.

"Just you wait and see, I'm gonna rock your world, Babe"

It was nearing midnight when the men finally left the restaurant, the place was quiet and quaint, but full of character, stylish and sophisticated. Both men had enjoyed a meal and a bottle of wine and were now heading off to get a taxi home.

"So you enjoy yourself, ? I had a great night." Noah asked, the wine was going to his head ever so slightly, hey he was no lightweight.

"Yes thank you Noah, it was quite pleasant," Puck would have thought that was a 'but I don't want to do it again' phrase until he saw the shy smile, Kurt was sending him.

He was blushing ever so slightly and was acting a little nervous. He'd been acting like that all night, it was worse at first but after a while he'd toned down and started to relax more, so Noah didn't think much of it. They had discussed, school life, Noah the jock and Kurt was in Glee club so in high school they would have hated each other, discussed family life, - Noah's deadbeat dad, living with his mum and sister and about the death of Kurt's mother and growing up with his loveable but clueless father as a single child. This was more information than Noah had ever told any body, especially on a first date. When the discussion came to careers, Puck did most of the talking, in fact Kurt seemed to be really interested in his work, only offering to say he worked with pricelist heir looms and jewellery. Noah was proud of his job so he didn't mind banging on about it for 2 hours. Over all the night went well. Very well. He really like Kurt. Like really liked him, it was weird he'd usually not fall for someone this fast, hell he'd usual not fall for someone at all. Noah Puckerman did not do falling.

"So this is my stop," Kurt said knocking Puck outta his thought, "I'll be off now, here's money for the taxi, good night Noah"

"Wait! Noah practically shouted causing Kurt to jump "Cliché as it sounds, I did really have a good time tonight, um …so ….here's my number" he produced a business like card "if you want you….can you know call or something I don't mind…to uh go out again." brilliant he was babbling like a school girl with a crush. Noah's last shred of dignity was saved when Kurt took the card and smiled at him again.

"I might just do that" he leaned over and kissed Noah on the cheek, "Some other time Agent Puckerman" before slamming to door shut and disappearing to the darkness. Noah sat for a while touching where Kurt had kissed him on the cheek, his whole body tingled. Until an unamused voice broke through his thoughts.

"Hey, where to next pal I don't have all night I have other fares you know" _right yeah he was still in the cab, _he gave the driver directions to his house and sat back and re-lived the night in his head, smiling contently.

It was a week later and Kurt still hadn't called, this pissed Noah off to no end. He was also really hurt, he would have called Kurt himself if he had his number, he toyed with the idea of bringing up his personal file, but soon dismissed it as stupid and frankly a bit needy. If the prissy bitch didn't want the Puckzilla then fuck him. Still hurt like a bitch cause Noah really liked him. _prissy bitch_ that reminds him he hasn't had any break throws on the Diamond Kitty case. He re-read Mrs Hutch's statement 'voice…sort of musical' Kurt had a musical voice, he remembered that how nice he sounded, how good he'd sound under Puck…brilliant now he's distracted _and horny._

He glanced at the clock on the wall 5:55 pm 5 minutes he could go home and relax and thing about Kurt all he wanted in the privacy of his own home. Smirking he started to put his things away. He grabbed his car keys said bye to the boys and drove home. Humming to Sweet Caroline that was on the radio.

He let himself into this apartment. Picking up abandoned mail, and flicking through it he made his was to the lounge - cum - kitchen, he dumped his stuff on the breakfast bar. Turning the lights on and not paying attention, until he heard it.

"Sweetie, we need to talk"

Spinning around he came face to face with Kurt. Kurt was in his house. He didn't call for a week but he appeared in his living room -_result. _Wait what the fuck was he doing in his house. And you know how did he get in.

So Noah being the cop did what he always does, he grabbed his gun. And pointed it at Kurt.

"What the hell are you doing here, and how did you get in?" a confused looking Noah said and quite frankly a confused looking Noah, was a cute Noah.

"Noah point a gun at me all you want, it wont help. You have no bullets, I borrowed them when you had you back turned toward the kitchen an minute ago so I can a sure, that will only make me more pissed than I currently am." Kurt was smiling not like a nice how are you smile but a, you're my prey I'm going to eat you prey kinda smile. Quickly scanning his gun, he found that Kurt was correct he was in fact bulletless, damn that boy was fast - _not too fast I hope…shut up brain not the time_. Wait Kurt's pissed?, shouldn't I be the pissed one, he broke into my home!.

"Ok, so what no call and now your turning into a stalker? Coming to my house, breaking in , stealing my bullets from my gun, sneaking up behind me? What you pissed you didn't get chocolates or something." Ok so that wasn't the smartest thing he could have said, but he was nervous, he babbled when he was nervous. Kurt just rolled his eyes. Wow nice way to take this seriously.

"So here's the dope, I like you, a lot your hot, sweet, funny and did I mention hot" Point one for Puckosaurs' ego "but the thing is my work is really important to me, I mean really. I love what I do, ok so its not strictly kosher, but its what I'm good at, I enjoy it, and yeah so people are usually against the idea but do you what? it's a living and I don't hurt no body, I make sure of that." Ok this was fascinating, but Puck really didn't see the importance of this right now. So he enjoyed being a antique specialist, good for him WHY THE FUCK DID HE HAVE TO BREAK IN FOR?

"That's great Kurt, but again, why the stalkerness routine all of a sudden?" Puck

inquired, he was getting really frustrated with Kurt.

"I Love my job," Kurt repeated, "And I especially don't like it when someone prevents me from doing said job, like I said Noah I like you a lot, but not that much. I'm gonna ask real nice, first of all, cause as you probably know I'm not used to revealing myself in fact I've never done it before and this, this will probably end badly, mainly for me. Yet I'm asking you please. Back off" he finished and backed a couple of steps away, his face had the worlds best puppy eye look, and he was slightly pouting. Making him look so kissable and other things able. Before he let his mind wander into places of an inappropriate nature, he focused on what Kurt was saying, he had prevented Kurt from working, how ? What did he do? And when? Theses questions must have flickered across his features as Kurt spoke again.

"I'm going to jail, I know I am" This alarmed Puck greatly "but please give me time to pull off just two more, that's all I need, I can't tell you why, but I will I promise. Just two more then you can take me in and get your promotion you've been aiming for, yeah I know all about your promotion," - after seeing the look of shock on Noah's face - "and you know you've worked hard you deserve it you really do. All that training the Winchester case you've done well and for only being 26, trust me Agent Sylvester is extremely proud"

Ok now Noah was past alarmed, he had warning bells the size of fog horns going off in his head.

He knew about the promotion, he knew about Sylvester. Shit. How ?

"Ok right spill, you know this how? Who are you ? Really? No lies this time" Puck was using his anger to make his seem bigger, usually it worked fear was his biggest weapon, and his best yielded. Putting the fear of God in someone is one of the perks of working for the FBI. It was also something he was good at, at school. Of course Kurt wasn't affected. He just looked bored. Which was frankly unfair.

"I didn't exactly lie the first time, so ok ….here goes let me ruin my life. My name is Kurt Hummel. But you know me as Diamond Kitty…Please don't kill me."

His feeble attempt to save his life, didn't make him anymore confident. Kurt just closed his eyes and waited for …well Noah wasn't sure, he had no bullets Kurt knew that so shooting him was out of the question, not that he ever would I mean its Kurt! He could never hurt him, granted he's known him for all of a week, but he'd never felt this way about anyone. Ever. And quite frankly it scared the holy shit outta him.

"Wait.. So your trying tell me, you're the infamous thief that's stole over $1000,000,0000 (A/N I Don't Actually Know How American Money Works So I Guessed) worth of property in the last 5 years never leaving a trace, not even a clue who we weren't sure was even a guy until last week, you telling me that's you?" Noah asked accusingly before bursting into laughter.

"You want my business card?" Kurt asked annoyed throwing one at him. It was the same diamond shaped card with a black cat and monogram. He sobered up immediately Puck couldn't believe this. He just couldn't, men and woman have spent years trying to figure out this case. YEARS, trying to find Dia…. Kurt and here he is one week in, and the freaking dude comes to him. He's Goddamn awesome.

Kurt's stance shifted from confident hand on hip to nervous wallflower in the corner. He kept flashing Puck a shy smile, the same one that made Puck fall in love with him…..wait whoa love, he's known the guy what a week (not counting all the times you perved on him, in the coffee shop) love should not be happening, _but it is so suck it up Puckerman. _

That doesn't change the fact that Puck is pissed.

"You, broke into peoples homes, you took their belongings and for what? Now you walk up to me flash a smile act like a arrogant little fuck, reveal yourself to me, and ask that what I let you willingly burgle two more houses. So you can get your kicks before you face a life time in bars?" Kurt flinched at that last but "seriously tell me why should I let you do it? Huh, TELL ME BITCH!"

"Like you would understand, I mean really life is perfect for Mr Noah Puckerman, great job. Nice place going places with your life" Kurt inhaled sharply. "I needed the money ok, about 5 years back, my dad he got in some trouble. Nothing with the law don't worry we're not all filthy criminals. He witnessed something, something he shouldn't have a murder by the Mafia I mean, really something outta story book, they knew he wouldn't tell but they threatened him anyway, and he managed to piss him off somehow, and money was wanted, instead of them paying him to keep his mouth shut, we have to pay them to keep his mouth shut its confusing I know" But Noah got it he knew exactly what Kurt was talking about, he's seen in in his work, he also knew what can happen if the ransom doesn't get paid. "And this this was the only way I knew how to get the money, so yeah its illegal and yeah I'm going to jail, but it doesn't matter because my dad will be safe, he'll have enough money, at least he will have after two more. Please." Kurt's voice broke he was so close to tears, Noah was hit with an over whelming sense to protect him, and hold him in his arms and tell him it'll be alright.

"Ok" was all he managed. He left the spot were he was occupying and went over to his cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Scotch, and grabbing two glasses. He poured both out and handed one to a shaken looking Kurt, _to be fair he should be the one in shock he just found out the man he loves - yes loves no point in denying it- is actually the criminal he's been trying to put behind bars. _He downed his drink in one go relishing the burn in his throat - _at least I know I'm still awake, that's not exactly a good thing. _

"Are….you gonna turn me in?" Kurt's voice was soft almost unrecognisable, the musical undertone of it lost. Musical voice Noah scoffed he should have guessed.

"You think I should" the question was meant as rhetorical but he got an answer anyway.

"Yes"

They stood in silence for what seems a life time, in reality it was only, about 5 minutes, Noah's mind was working over time. Every now and then he would sneak a glance at Kurt who seemed to be running through something in his head. What Puck didn't know. He intended to find out.

"What you thinking about?" A romantic cliché in non-romantic settings.

"Just, what possessed me to actually reveal, my deepest darkest your going to jail secret, to someone I've only know a week, to someone I knew was after me, and had known since before we'd met" Explained Kurt. - wow good question, wait..

"You knew who I was, in the coffee house you knew I was the one working your case didn't you? You weren't looking at me because you were interested in me you were watching me to see if I had figured you out." Ok so this hurt Puck more than the My-Possible-Boyfriends-Wanted-By-The-FBI thing. And that hurt a lot. And not just his ego, but his heart.

"No…..Yes….sort of, its complicated alright, I'd use to watch you because your really nice to look at, but that day, I knew who you were I had your file. And I panicked hoping I wasn't giving myself away then you came over and I forgot who you were, then you asked me out and all appending danger just vanished from my mind. Like I knew I could trust you. I felt safe with you." Kurt was looking at the ground now, that wouldn't do, Noah wanted, needed to see those Blue-Green eyes, he grabbed his face in his hands and forced him to look at him.

"Answer me and tell me the truth, did you just use me for information, or do you really like me? And really want to date me?" Noah was afraid of the answer. Terrified that Kurt didn't like him in the same way, with the same intensity, that Noah felt for him.

"I swear I like you, more than anything. That's why I told you, I thought you should know, I'm not asking you to cover for me, or distract your colleges, all I'm asking is that you turn a blind eye, just for now. Just pretend I do what I said I do. And if it does all come out, you can deny ever known, say I played you anything. But let me get this money, please and believe me when I say, I think I'm in love with you." Kurt finished and Noah could see no lie in those eyes, he keep eye contact all the way through never breaking Pucks scrutinizing gaze. There was an uncomfortable silence, hanging between them, Pucks hand still resting on Kurt 's face. Neither moved both unsure what to do.

Then Noah did what he thought was best, he slammed Kurt up against the counter, and kissed the life outta him. He was being rough and demanding but Kurt wasn't pulling back or stopping, in fact he was giving as good as he got. Kurt moaned into the kiss causing, Puck to kick into action pulling of his jacket and tie, he pushed Kurt through to his bedroom and threw him on the bed. Straddling his waist.

"Oh My God, oooh God….Noooaaahh" Kurt was breathless. Puck was determined.

Waking up the next day, Noah felt across the other side of the bed for Kurt, but only found it vacant, but the sheets still warm. Cracking open his eyes and adjusting them to the light that was streaming in the window, he quickly cast them around the room, trying to find the sexy brunette. No such luck, as Kurt was no where to be seen. Noah's heart sank. _he's been played _he thought miserably to himself.

A banging from a near by room, broke him from his self pitying thoughts. Followed by a crash. And finally Noah realised. The smell of bacon. _he cooking breakfast_, Noah smiled to himself, no ones ever cooked for him before.

Grabbing a pair of jeans from a near by pile, and nothing else he padded through to the kitchen still half asleep. But was greeted by an amazing sight. Kurt in a pair of black boxers and one of Puck's ratty, old New Kids On The Block t-shirts. Cooking. Domesticity he could get used to this.

"Morning" Kurt jumped as he hadn't heard Noah enter.

"Morning," he smiled "Umm….I'm making bacon, you eat bacon right, it was the only thing I could find. Apart from Cap'tn Crisp cereal but that's not very, romantic breakfasty dish. I had a panic earlier because I didn't know if you ate meat, then I was like well if he didn't why would he have it in his house, I toyed with the possibility of you having a flatmate then I remembered that wasn't the case, because I read you FBI file. Then I remembered your Jewish and don't eat bacon, but again the whole why would he own it came back to me, then it thought some one night stand of something bought it for when they stay over and that made me really jealous so I uh dropped the frying pan."

Kurt was so cute when he was flustered, Noah fell just a bit more in love right then. He decided to put Kurt outta his misery.

"Thanks that's incredibly sweet of you, and yes I eat meat, I think I proved that last night" he winked at Kurt who blushed rapidly "and bacon is my favourite, what can I say I'm a bad Jew" They both laughed lightly at that. "we'll need to talk about the whole FBI file thing, but not just now, lets eat some delicious smelling bacon" Noah walked up to him and kissed him lightly on the lips, and Kurt smiled gratefully, yep domestic is really growing on him.

"Oh and there's no need to worry about anyone else Babe, I've got you now" he said circling his arms around Kurt's tiny waist and nipping him on the neck with his teeth. Kurt practically purred, _huh so that's where the Kitty thing came from._

"Well that's good to know, but bacon isn't gonna get eaten if we're standing here now is it?" they kissed again then broke apart. Kurt began dishing up breakfast, as an addition to bacon he's made, toast, eggs and sausages. "Sorry, about…acting like a emotional mess of a teenage girl before its just I'm nervous I've never done this before" Noah shot him an alarmed look and almost dropped the coffee mug he picked up. "No, no I mean stayed over at someone's house, I usually, just end up in bed then taxi home, this is the first time, I've actually stayed the night somewhere, I wasn't sure if there was a special proto call you had to follow, and you'd think I was a moron for not knowing it,…..so I kinda made it up." Kurt gushed, whilst blushing. A blushing Kurt was an adorable Kurt.

"Wanna know a secret? I've never stayed over or had someone stay over before either, its always been hi, I'm Puck wanna fuck? I'll call you" Noah admitted. Kurt rolled his eyes at his little rhyme but smiled along anyway.

"Wow a man of a thousand words" he joked. "What's next you gonna write me a poem?"

"There once was a man from Kentuckit -" He got to never got to finish, Kurt slapped him on the arm and burst into laughter.

Things were going well for Kurt. He stayed the night at sexy Noah Puckermans, had amazing times in his bed, shower, kitchen table after breakfast. He'd stayed practically the whole day, and they just talked. About anything everything from favourite song to who they think should take over the world, aliens or apes?. They had discussed serious matters too. What Noah would do if Kurt ever got caught, how he managed to get hold of his file (of course he said he'd broken in, he would never get his friends in trouble, Noah didn't believe him but he didn't question it), whether he was going to help, Kurt pull off jobs, - not physically but make sure there's some obnoxious board meeting when Kurt's working, give Kurt updates on the case) he agreed to help, but not to make it to suspicious, Kurt promised to tell him when he's gonna be working and of course who's doing the cooking when Kurt stayed over or Puck stayed at his. (They decided on take out and restaurants)

But now it was back to reality, Noah had work and Kurt had friends and shopping to see too. He explained everything to Brittney, Santana, Quinn, Artie and Tina. The girls aww'd in all the right places, but where still sceptical. Not to mention a little bit pissed that Kurt didn't tell them he was going to see Noah and tell him everything. "Only because you would have stopped me" Kurt whined and was met with a deafening "Damn right we would have!" from all his friends (save Brittney who just went "Well Duh!"). Santana wanted to speak to Puck, make sure there was no funny business even if it meant her going to jail too. Damn she was a good friend.

Kurt half heartily agreed after mush persuasion from them all. He called Noah over to his house that night, whilst his friends where still there. They all hid, save Santana and listened in. the door bell rang signalling Noah's arrival. He took a deep breath, and turned to Santana.

"Listen you don't have to do this, I know your worried for me and I love you for it I just don't want you getting in trouble, not because of me" he grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"Don't worry about me, I know what I'm doing and I want to do this. Besides if Puck's fine with this idea just like you said, then I have nothing to worry about do I ?" She reassured, which strangely made Kurt feel 1000 times better. No way would Noah hand her in. the second ring of the bell, boasted Kurt into action. He ran for the door. His heart still fluttering but this time with excitement and not fear.

He sung open the door to face the still very sexy Noah Puckerman, armed with a bouquet of purple flowers. Blushing he handed them to an equally red Kurt.

"I um thought I mean I saw these and…do you have a vase?" Puck adorable babble made Kurt melt slightly, taking the flowers off his boyfriend _boyfriends oh my God _he leaned up to kiss him on the lips chastely. Before moving out the way to let Noah in.

"They're beautiful, thank you, I love them." Kurt said grinning like a clown. He could have sworn the heard Brittney awww'ing from her hiding place in the kitchen. Which was what leapt Kurt into action, remembering why Noah was here in the first place he had business to attend to, well Santana did anyway. Making googly eyes and being mushy could wait. First he had a boyfriend for Santana to terrify into sticking with him.

"I have someone I'd like you to meet, a friend of mine, she emm knows about you know" he closed the door as Noah started walking in the hallway towards his living room door. "she wants to speak to you, when you met her stuff will become, well clearer if you know what I mean"

"Well no not really but I'll just have to see wont I" Noah was sounding far to amused for Kurt's liking. That had to change, he's meeting Santana. She only likes fear. If Kurt didn't fear him up before he meets her then she'll have to do it after, believe me Kurt's way is far more humane. Its for his own good.

"Yes you will, but be nice don't talk back or be a smart ass that will only make things worse. This is the first time your meeting my friends impressions count. If they hate you then I may have to choose between you. Iv known them a lot longer Babe." This of course was a total lie they would never make him choose. I they didn't he couldn't leave Noah I'd kill him. But it made Noah look vaguely ill so. _Mission accomplished _Kurt thought.

Stepping in front of Noah he went into the living area. Where Santana stood, looking determined and a whole lotta scary. She nodded at him as a clear signal she was ready. Kurt took a deep breath and allowed Noah to enter after him.

Watching Kurt enter his living room, only to sigh in what Noah assumed was relief, made him feel extremely nervous. He didn't understand why, so he was meeting his boyfriends mates. What was the big deal? People did it all the time _yeah you your not people your Noah 'Puck' Puckerman a stud dude, you don't date. This is far to domestic even for you._ that voice in his head was really starting to piss him off. He felt the argue to run and never look back at this domestic relationship normality again. Then he looked at Kurt who was waiting on him to follow, with a slight confused look on his beautiful face and the bunch of flowers Noah saw in that ridiculously priced flower shop in his hands. Any thoughts of running where wiped away, when he saw his angel. So he followed with slight trepidation into the living waiting for his fate no he's signed on to a normal non player life.

Not much happened actually. He didn't suddenly get hit by waves of need to have children and buy a dog. In fact all that happened was he walked into a room with Kurt and Santana. Rather disappointing really. _Wait Santana._

"A-a-agent Lopez" He stuttered out, he was not expecting that, in fact he didn't know what he was expecting, an obvious ex con with loads of tattoos and a rough for ware look after her. Defiantly not an fellow agent and colleague.

"Good afternoon Agent Puckerman, I'm sure Kurt has explained why were both here. I need to talk with you" Santana always the business woman. Very formal as if she was talking to a suspect or victim. She was good very intimidating Noah thought. Yep he was defiantly scared. He nodded in response not trusting his voice to make him sound half as confident and professional. He just found out on of his team is actually a mole working for Kurt. Colour him shocked.

"I'm going to get you guys drinks, I'll be in the kitchen, please, please don't shoot each other while I'm gone. Promise me." Kurt squeaked. Both Noah and Santana nodded in promise and Kurt left hurryingly towards the kitchen. Leaving them alone eyeing each other wearingly.

Puck opened his mouth to speak but was immediately cut off but Santana.

"Ok Puckerman, here's the deal, me and Kurt go back, way back further than even you know. I don't remember meeting him you know that? He's always just been there" Santana's tone was menacing. She had a cold calculated expression and a look in her eye Puck couldn't' quit place. Wistful?, Love? Longing? Maybe. Whatever it was it was brought on by the mention of her and Kurt, and it was powerful. "To me he's like my baby brother, I love him. H's one of my closest friends and I know four others that will say this about him. I don't give a rats ass what he does for a living or what I do. He's my friend therefore I'm gonna look after him. Fine I wasn't crazy about the idea at first, hell maybe I'm still not his work is dangerous, He could go to jail. But he's my baby brother so to speak you know?"

She didn't give him time to answer, she just carried on but this time she was walking towards him, that did not scare the shit out of Noah Puckerman. Honest.

"So yeah, I cover for him when I need to, help him even, like with handing him your file when you became head of the investigation. That's probably gonna get me a good stretch inside. But fuck it he's worth it, you know why. Because I know he'd do the same for me in a heartbeat. Hell he has." She was right in his face now, her sickeningly sweet perfume filled his nose and made Puck want to gag. He knew if he did she'd probably gouge his eyes out with her talons nails. "That's why Puckerman. I'm here revealing my big dark secret to someone I work with someone I know could just as easily pick up the phone and call the Big Bad Boss. I need you to know though, that Kurt Hummel or Diamond Kitty Or Whatever. He IS worth it. Believe me. You even think about dicking him over I swear on your sweet Jewish ass I will end you."

Then Santana did something far more terrifying than her intimidation routine earlier, or her getting in your face menacingly routine. She smiled at Puck. Sweetly. Like they were old friends reuniting after a long period apart. "Any questions?"

"No ma'am, none" Ok so that wasn't exactly what he was going for but any smart ass comments died the second she smiled her psycho smile. _Man up Puckerman _the voice at the back of his mind demanded. Taking a deep breathe Noah started.

"Listen, I get it really, you've spent all this time protecting your friend and yourself, -but more your friends -" He added hastily seeing the anger that flashed in her hazel eyes "and you don't want me coming in and cocking every thing up, but I really don't know what your expecting. What do you think I am ? Huh a mole? Undercover ? What? Because I can assure you I'm not, yeah that probably means jack coming from me but don't you think I'd have had him arrested the second I found out if I was?"

Attempting to be friendly towards her Puck put a hand on her shoulder, I was quickly removed after the glare that was given to him by her. Sighing he tried again.

"Santana listen to me I'd rather die than get Kurt in trouble. I …. I" _Suck it up Puckerman _he chased himself "I love him"

There it is the damage has been done. He admitted it, well not to Kurt himself but o someone. Monumental moment for Puck here. He's in love. Damn. _This feels so strange but go God dam good. _He couldn't stop the small smile that played on his lips when he thought about it. He was too lost in thought he didn't see Santana's eye roll.

"God your gross you know that both of you all mushy, and sickening. Talking about each other like the other ones the greatest thing ever to happen to earth. Get a room" She exclaimed, but Noah didn't imagine the warm lightness that had infected her tone. Nor the almost friendly glint in her eyes.

That moment was the moment Kurt decided to make his appearance, from his hiding place In the kitchen alone with four others, two blonde girls an Asian and a guy in a wheelchair. He obliviously had been listening to every word. If the expression on his face was anything to go by. He looked like he was about to cry happy tears - Noah hoped - he sent Noah the most blinding smile that made him just want to melt into a big pile of Noah Puckerman Love Goo. The others looked all dopey and happy for there friend (Noah didn't look at Santana but he was sure she'd look the same only less as she tried her hardest to conceal it)there was also a slight warning in there gazes a sort of Fuck him over and we'll fuck you over look.

"Mean it?" Kurt asked tentatively. Blinking back tears and trying to regain some of his ice princess prince mask. Noah could practically hear Kurt's mind racing and his inner monologue of _Be cool Kurt be calm_. That's it, it's over Noah Puckerman is now loves bitch (and Kurt Hummel's but only on special occasions) and its all the fault of a bloody thief with a porn star name.

"With all my heart."


End file.
